I'm still Fucking Hungry, but food doesn't help

I'm either Fucking crazy delusional or I'm a vampire that doesn't know how to feed.

I had cereal for breakfast, but I was still "hungry". I had cottage cheese and yogurt with live cultures, but I was still "hungry". I had a bottle of pomegranite juice, but I was still "hungry". I had a roast beef sandwich and a lemonade, but I was still "hungry. I hung out at the East/West Books Healing Arts Fair, but I was still "hungry". I took the dogs to the river for a couple of hours, but I was still "hungry". I ate a stir fry dinner of beef and vegitables, 2 small apples and some gummie bears, but I'm still Hungry!

It's not PMS because it's after my period. I keep thinking, "I'm hungry", but eating food doesn't make this feeling go away. In fact, when I got half-way through my sandwich, I wanted to put it away because I didn't want it anymore. But I made myself eat it anyway. Then I felt kind of sick to my stomach, but I still felt like I was sort of "hungry" too.

I'm irritable. I have a small headache that comes and goes. I feel like I want to scream. I thought that if I went to the river, I could pick up some ambient energy there that would make this damned distracting "hunger" go away. But it didn't go away.

It's been over 2 weeks this time around. I've lost track of exactly how long I've been feeling this way this time around. Maybe it's been almost a month? I think it started getting worse when I couldn't get my co-worker into sexually themed conversations, first because we had a new girl in the lab, then because he was on vacation for a week, and then because I just couldn't get the right time and setting to do that with him like I'm used to doing.

I wonder if taking St. John's Wort would help? I haven't wanted to take it because I'm not feeling depressed and I wanted to feel my authentic feelings, rather than muted ones. St. John's Wort isn't like perscription antidepressants and doesn't mute emotions as much as they do, but it's still got a traditional reputation for dispelling "evil spirits", so I was afraid it might mess with my psychic abilites or ability to sense energy.

Maybe drinking alcohol would mute this "hunger"? But I don't want to get into the habit of drinking every evening just so I won't feel like a hungry vampire. It might not even work. And it might keep me from being able to dream-walk if I need to do that.

I wish I could dream-walk at will and feed off someone of my choosing. When I dream of feeding off someone, that's usually when I seem to get the most energy and the hunger goes away for a couple of days at least, but usually longer. If I could choose who to feed off tonight, I think I'd try to feed off my ex-boyfriend. Maybe then he'd believe me about this vampire stuff, but probably he still wouldn't.

This is a pretty elaborate self-delusion, if that's what it is. Why would anyone want, even subconsciously, to feel irritable, headachy and weirdly "hungry" day after day with little relief. Then too, even feeling like this, I have to try to act normal. I don't get any positive reaction from telling my co-workers that I'm feeling hungry and irritable and distracted, or from "losing it" and snapping at one of them. I've only admitted to feeling like this to a couple of vampires online, and never to any of them in person.

I've actually been trying to maintain my status in the group and on the boards as a "normal human". I don't want to start calling myself a vampire. I don't want to call myself a vampire, but eventually I might have to.

- Persephone